I don't Believe in New Year's Resolutions But....

A sentence to summarize what I learned this year (actually, my New Year's resolution):  I want to be the person who says "I am" rather than the person who says "I'm going to."  THE END

Brilliance at it's best explains me at my worst

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

By: Rudyard Kipling

I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT WOMAN

Happy Friday!

 Jesus Loves YOU!

I'm Learning

Wishing you were someone else is a waste of the person you are ~Unknown 

Words To Live By

"A new affection is more successful in replacing an old affection than simply trying to end it without supplanting it with something better."
~Thomas Chalmers






God is better!

Ain't' that the truth!

 Story of my life!

Sometimes it looks like this

CHARACTER

I learned this today

When all is said and done.... more is ALWAYS said than done.

I think James said it best when he said:


But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror;  for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
~James 1:22-25

I hate fake

I'm no model lady........ A model's just an imitation of the real thing...Mae West

Just Another Bump In The Road

Bumps.....

The Lord just gave me a great illustration while I was sitting at my desk at work typing away and I knew I just  had to share it! I love it when He speaks me at the most random moments, and  I have learned to just stop and listen because there is always a lesson to be learned.

The word bump can mean many things. Today the Lord brought two to my mind. It can be a "bump" in the road, or   a "bump" on the head .

I think of bumps in the road  as a road block or a rough patch that you have to drive over or through. A bump on the head happens when you run into something sharp and unexpected or even when something sharp hits you on top of  your head.

Either one of these instances  can cause a lifting experience. A bump on the head rises as it swells, a bump in the road can  cause your car to jump a little, or maybe even a lot depending on the size of the bump.

Either one of these instances can be likened to the Christian Life and our walk.

We need these bumps in order to get to the Most High.

In the Christian life we call them trials. Sometimes these trials take us on the bumpiest roads possible. Sometime we come out brusied and swollen, bumped and broken.... but in the end it's neccesary.

If we can just endure the swelling, or the momentary shift in elevation we will indeed learn that it's lifting us just a little higher, and most of all bringing us closer to the Almighty One who sits in the highest place..... on His throne in heaven.

I've been encouraged this morning to keep enduring these bumps....these trials... because they are only bringing me that much closer to My Lord, My Jesus.

 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.  Let all that you do be done with love. 1 Cor. 16:13-14

A new Thing

"The best things of life come out of wounding. Wheat is crushed before it becomes bread. Incense must be cast upon the fire before its odors are set free. The ground must be broken with the sharp plough before it is ready to receive the seed. The sweetest joys in life are the fruits of sorrow. Human nature seems to need suffering to fit it for being a blessing to the world."

~Streams in the Desert.



Lord break my heart with what breaks yours..because what will come forth will be brand new.

Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes... that's me.

Ummm Scary

No one wants to hear about your dreams. Seriously. No one. What utter nonsense your brain spews forth from it's dark and twisty nooks and crannies is only fascinating to you. And if you never do this, kudos; but, I'm certain you know someone who does. "Oh man... I had this really weird dream the other night. It was sooooooooo real." Dramatic pause.......

Despite the fact that no one - and I mean, no one - cares... there are a few instances where the Dreamer's ramblings will fall on a willing ear. Still, please take note: Your dreams are not prophetic, Moses. You're not a star on the hit drama Medium, and I assure you that dead people are not talking to you. You're pepperoni pizza rolls are talking to you. Keep the conversation to yourself.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I have this recurring dream...

I have this recurring dream that all my teeth fall out of my mouth. Just. Fall. The heck out. Of my mouth. For no good reason. I don't get kicked in the face in my dream. I don't run into a doorknob or get hit by a tire or have complicated oral surgery. I'm just dream Megan, standing around talking to a dream friend or dream relative,  and suddenly I have a mouthful of teeth. Feels like marbles. Really sharp marbles, heavy-ish and jagged, knocking around freely in my mouth. I stand there, pretending to be cool, calm and collected. Pretending I don't realize all my teeth have simultaneously crumbled and I have a mouthful of blood and shards. Then I wake up, because clearly this is a prophetic dream about how I'm to enroll in a Dental Hygienist Program immediately.

My mind is still searching for answers to this mystery as I brush, floss and rinse before bedtime, when it dawns on me that this whole thing is just like that dream I had...

(... are you still here? I thought I gave you express permission to leave due to the fact that other people's dreams are stupid and unworthy of an audience. Fine. Have it your way!)

Goodnight.... er good day :)

Whoever Said Patience Was A Virtue?

Siggghhhhhhh!!!!

"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."
Matt. 16:25

The Storms of Life

I think you would all agree with me when I say that the weather conditions all over the world are frightening. I mean we have massive earthquakes in multiple countries, catastrophic tornado's in Alabama, flooding in the Midwest, and blizzards on the East Coast. These are scary times we are living in for a lot of people.

As a Christian I know that we are feeling the labor pains from a world that is ready to bring forth a Messiah to deliver us from all of the pain and sorrow that this world holds for us.

Even so...


 Come Lord Jesus come.

I have been uttering this piece of scripture alot lately. The mental tornado's of this life have caught me up in a whirl wind of emotions and have deposited me in a vast blizzard of depair. The quake of lifes many  events  have shaken me to my very core and left me in flood of tears.

In all of this I have forgotten where my one true hope lies.

I have a Saviour.

I have to trust that His will for my life is best... and even though I know this.. I still find it so hard to ask Him for His will to be done because what if His will for my life includes taking my Dad home right now?

I can't except that... yet I have to.

I need to remember that He who stirred up the storm is also my hiding place in it.  Storms will come...... they always do. There is no getting around them. Jesus knew a storm was coming when He sent the disciples away, but He was with them in that storm. And I know He will be with me as well.

Random Story But I Miss My Sister.. and laughing too

This one time, when I was about 10 years old, my sister wouldn’t leave me alone so I jumped on my bike and took off at full speed down the hill we lived by. At the bottom of the hill was a sharp turn. I hit gravel, slid, crashed, and skinned up my knee and busted my bike. A neighbor took me home in the back of her truck. When I got home and walked through the door, knee all bloody, my sister ran and got me a handful of band aides.
After that I quit running away from her.

Sometimes it’s just nice to live in the moment and laugh out loud with your sister. I think it’s therapeutic. And honestly, it really doesn’t matter if you are 10, 30, or 130. Laughter is good for the soul.

Lucky Lady

That's what everyone called her.

Today she would have turned 76..... and had I known then what I know now she would have had the biggest, brightest, lovliest, party EVER!

Cancer has no bias. It even takes Grandma's when those who love them most aren't ready to let them go.

I know you can't hear me Grandma because you are singing and worshipping Jesus along with all of the Saints at the very tip top of your precious "healed" lungs...

BUT

if you could ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are still so loved... and until I take my very last breath you always will be.

I Heart Her

Be anxious for nothing.........

So, last week, I had a work-related thing. I mean, I can’t say anything else, really, because as much as I’d like to post about work and could have a whole blog dedicated to the funny, creative and weird things my co-workers say to me, I just don’t because I really, really love what I do. But suffice it to say that this thing caused me a lot of anxiety.

You get the picture.

And then? During the point when this thing would have caused an issue? Nothing happened.

I spent approximately 48 hours worrying about something that never materialized. I’d played out a million stories in my mind about all of the bad things that were sure to happen, and then none of them did.

If only this was an isolated incident. IF ONLY.

I spend HOURS imagining the worst things. Some perceived weirdness from my sister, in my crazy, twisted mind, becomes The Fight That Ends Our "Sister-ship" (Is that a word???).

Unreturned texts mean That Person Hates You (Although, come on, people:  return a text message. It takes 10 seconds. Don’t be a jerk.) and I spend hours stressing away wondering what I did wrong?????

I think I’d rather have the super power of flying or mind-reading. Just saying........

Anyways, this whole work thing made me stop and ask: WHY, MEGAN, WHY?

Why do you torture yourself? Why do you get riled up about things that don’t happen yet? I mean, the short answer is this: I have anxiety disorder and also a touch  of the family crazies. But I also know that when I really think about things, I can control how upset I get.... yet off I go.

 I’m a worrier. I come from a long line of Professional Worrywarts and resolving to become one of those “happy go lucky” people is just not working for me.  However, my new goal is to just wait, and then react and worry and fret when whatever...... ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

I know that half of the worrying game is inventing terrible stories in our minds, but I have enough real things to worry about.

 But inventing things that aren’t real yet? I can probably take a break.

Birthdays Schmirthdays!

Here’s my favorite quote on the subject, written by Robert Heinlein in  Stranger in a Strange Land:

"Anyone can see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl she used to be. A great artist can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is...and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be...more than that, he can make anyone see that this lovely young girl is still alive, prisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart...no matter what the merciless hours have done.


 Yeah.... so bring it on 33 you old hag you!

Enough Said

Memories have shaped me

When I was a little girl, my mom would drop me off at preschool very early in the morning. She would walk me into my classroom, kiss me goodbye and then I would run to one of two windows to wave goodbye to her as she drove away. The deal was that she’d stop the car, wave and blow me a kiss at the first window and then I’d move to the second one, where she’d repeat the ritual before driving out of the parking lot to work. I think she may have forgot exactly once. But she always remembered, put her car into reverse and drove through again, to wave to little Megan. While I remember the uncertainty in those moments, what I remember more is that she always came back. She always came back.

I have friends who tease me about my need to say a proper goodbye or the way I like to straighten my desk before I leave for the day. But it’s these little things that make me feel good, that assure me that even though I can’t control the next moments, I’ve made things okay in a tiny way. I realize this is an odd quirk. Oh well. Maybe it’s a morbid way to live, but I spend a lot of time thinking about the just in case. I like feeling like loose ends are tied up, like all is well. And while I know that life can never be fully planned and that try as I might, I cannot anticipate everything, I like to feel like I’ve done my best to set things right whenever possible.

At the end of the day, it boils down to this: I worry sometimes that the people who fill my everyday, the ones whose bodies fill my house, names litter my inbox and text messages, the family and  friends I call when I’m happy or sad or just want to shoot the breeze, don’t realize how much I treasure them. It’s sometimes difficult to say those things but the truth is that I think it all the time. The words catch in my throat and I’m quick with a joke, but I try to say it wordlessly when I turn back for a second hug, inhale their smell when we part ways. It’s just my way of waving through those two windows, the way one of the women I love the most always did for me.

In My Randomness....

 

5 Random Wednesday Thoughts:

 

In my house, every spare inch counts. This means napkins, teeth flossers, and socks have no business being left in my living room.  This is why I need a new house. RANDOM

 

Today I planned my outfit based on the fact that I didn't want to do my hair. This will only make sense to me so don't even try to comprehend. RANDOM

I didn't realize until I looked in the mirror at WORK that maybe the outfit isn't as hot as I thought.Mainly because the shirt is too big and adds about 50 pounds to my bum bum. Oh well. It made me happy at the time. RANDOM

Am I ever going to eat this orange thats been at my desk for 3 days? RANDOM

Purple.... I think about purple things ALOT... why? RANDOM

The end

There's A Party Up In Huuurrr!

Frustration.

I don't do it well.

I've been known to throw temper tantrums when frustrated. I've thrown things, hit things, destroyed things. Said things I ought not.

Needless to say, I generally avoid situations where I will become frustrated. If I'm trying something new and it's not easy right away, I generally give up.

I know this is not the most healthy, or adult way to handle things, but I actually have come a long way. I'm learning to stay calm in crazy situations, and I'm learning to calm myself when frustrated,(Cue: massive amounts of Bible verses) to realize that it's never the end of the world...or at least it hasn't been up to this point.

I recently read an article about a woman who decided to row solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She said there were definitely times she wanted to give up, but in the end, the only thing worse than continuing on was quitting.

This has inspired me, because recently, I have become frustrated at my job, and with the overall general direction of my  life.

Quitting my job is not an option, but caring about it or, more importantly, caring about the quality of my work is. I want to feel as though I'm making a difference. It is frustrating beyond belief.

I am at the point where I don't know what else to try. I feel that after five years, I should be an expert at this. Instead, I just realize how far I have to go.

And, while I am frustrated, while a part of me wants to give up, I know I cannot. It has nothing to do with the job and everything to do with the my heart.

So I'll keep plugging on...and tomorrow, maybe I'll actually feel like I'm doing something right. For now, my pity party and I are going to try not to take it personal.

I Love Him

  We really are you know!

Cancer,Roses,Quilts, and the Color Pink..Yes, that's her

"Grandma has stage 4 Lung Cancer", that's what mom told me..... (via text message of course).

I don't like that.

She's 85 years old, and why after that many years does it have to end this way?

I HATE CANCER!

Isn't it enough that breast cancer claimed both of her breasts only a month ago? She said " Papa's in Heaven now anyways.. what do I need them for"?

She is everything that is lovely, and pink, and flowery, and powdered, and perfumed to me.

Grandma makes quilts, that never fall apart... I am the proud owner of two of them. She loves the color pink... just walk into her bedroom even after all of these years and know this.

Grandma's hair is still as bright red now as it was 50 years ago and she only has it washed every Friday (by her beautician of course).

Grandma is thee one and only owner of "Fibber Mcghee's Closet". This is the magical closet that contains the portal to Santa's Workshop. At Christmas time one dare not even think of looking at the door to said closet lest all of their Christmas presents dissapear.

Grandma's rose garden was, and still is a sight to behold. She never let me go home without letting me choose which flower was going to make the return trip with me. Of course I always chose the yellow rose. Thinking back now... I wonder how that bush ever survived my twice a week pickings.

Magic of course.

Sigh..... the doctor has given her a maximum of two years without chemo. Grandma doesn't want chemo. I don't blame her.

Two years and four hours of distance between us gives me precious little time to enjoy her pink, flowery, powdered goodness. If only we had the ability to turn the hour glass over and over to suit our desires.

 

I vow to make every stolen second count... it's times like these when you really begin to know how precious time can be.

My Grandma is priceless.

I want to CAPITOLIZE on My 2011 Aspirations....

I want a new year with new things.... Am I entirely too hopeful?

More JESUS

A new ignition to the flame that was once MUSIC in my life

I want the flowers to peel away to reveal the ARTIST I've always longed to be

 And..... I want to capture the perfect moment in "still art" form with PHOTOGRAPHY

I've been tucked away for a season...... but I think I would like to try this again.

He told me this today

 And... i blushed in my oh so private way and murmured a thank you that never quite made it to the surface.

i am?