On MY Soap Box

I love a good sassy quote as much as the next person. 

I am not offended by truth, and, though I try not to find humor in mean-spiritedness, I will laugh at something the masses might find offensive.  I believe in being upfront and truthful, and I also believe that what you put out there is what you get back.  I'm sassy, I get that back.  Sometimes I'm kind and gentle, and I get that back.  When I'm a jerk, well, I get that back, too, though I try to walk away from those times with either a lesson or a victory.

The truth is, I'm more and more conscious of  putting positive energy into my interactions with people (I'm not saying I always do so, I'm saying most times, that is my intent).  I believe that if you're positive first, you're likely to get that back.

There are times I struggle with this, but as a general rule, I try to smile and make eye contact with everyone I meet.  And, given the choice between arguing with someone and walking away, I almost always walk away.  I'm very particular about who gets to see my ugly side.

So when I ran across a quote I'd seen on Facebook a few times, I wrinkled my nose at it and rolled my eyes.  While I could see the intent behind it, I did not at all agree with the message.  The quote I'm talking about is this:  "Don't confuse my personality with my attitude.  My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are."

No.  No, no, no.

Actions speak louder than words, and your attitude towards others--no matter who it is or what they did!--absolutely defines who you are.  I've though it about a  million times that through trials I believe someones real character is revealed.

If you're letting another person dictate your actions, well, then, that speaks volumes about you as a person.  You probably don't know your own boundaries, you probably get upset with people when they (most likely unknowingly) step on those boundaries.  You probably think you're tough when you tell them off or put them in their "place."

But it's you who needs to know your own place.  Know who you are, know that how you interact with people is a huge part of who you are.  Know that when you enter into a situation, your attitude, your actions and words portray your character, your personality, your intentions.  Your very being.

So now I ask you:  who are you really, and are you letting the rest of the world see the real you in the right light? 

Rest assured, I am asking myself the same thing.

(Lesson learned).... I'll step down now

There's Wisdom In That

  Cause sometimes I think you just need to stop and smell the roses

Curtains

Sometimes I feel like my life is like this big set of stage curtains. It started out as this flaming red, beautiful and perfect thing. But as is the way of it, life has put all these rips, tears, frays and holes in that beautiful fabric. Some holes I’ve been able to patch up. Some patches are prettier and more well executed than others, and some are barely adhering with fabric glue. Some rips and tears haven’t been patched at all. Some probably never will be. For the most part, I’ve come to view all those seams and patches that make up the crazy quilt of my life as something that makes me more interesting and full of character. But that usually only comes after a bit of reflection on my part.

It’s been quiet around here.

When someone like me shuts the curtains and goes quiet, you are generally safe in assuming that it’s not anything awesome that is quelling my non-stop desire to chatter.

My life seems to follow a trend where things tend to happen all at once and often to big, dizzying degrees; both the good things and the bad things. I don’t want you to think that my life only has black rain clouds filling it…it doesn’t. I have had some huge, grand, beautiful and fabulous things happen to me; things I am so grateful and happy for.

But…

It’s been a bit rainy around here as of late and quite honestly, I haven’t wanted to talk about it because one, I didn’t want to sit here and just whine at you all. And two, I’m not even sure how I feel about a lot of it. And three,  many things beyond my control are in a purgatory state of waiting to see how they resolve. (Which pretty much sucks six ways from Sunday. Especially when the outlook is grim and there is nothing you can do about it.)

I had a lot of things hit me at once.

But it’s also time to pick myself up, brush myself off and start peeking my head out of the curtain, darnit!

I'm sick of feeling awful.

And I DO feel like I’m starting to get on the upswing of things. It’s been good to have time alone to think about things. To mourn the loss of some things and people and to ponder the future of others.

I’m not sure what is ahead of me.

Some of these changes are really big and deep and I admit…I still feel a little lost.  I have a hard time with big changes. But I also think that there will be something to fill all these tears and holes and spaces that have ripped through the fabric of my life lately.

And I just have to have faith it will be something awesome.


-Curtains

Something New

I have vowed to make the year 2012 all about CHANGE. Let me color this for you.

A Renewed Mind.

I have all these past issues haunting me from (insert year here).. yeah-- there's alot. I am learning to let go and Let God. Yes, very cliche but it's so true when you break it down and examine that phrase. It's time to let it all go!

A Healthier Body.

Let's face it, who doesn't want this? Okay Angelina Jolie maybe cause.. WELL look at her.. but I'm serious! I want to be healthy. I'm a 33 year old woman who wakes up each morning feeling like she's eleventy hundred years old. I ache in places that I didn't know could ache. (MUST EAT VEGGIES). I need to drop a tremendous amount of weight and this is the year it's going to happen... stay tuned for before and after pics.

A Beautiful Marriage.

Now to find the perfect husband.......JOKING hunny... totally kidding. My husband is wonderful but I'm a moody, discontented, irrational, has to have my way kinda gal sometimes.(wink wink). This alone will be the hardest to change. It's kind of built in ya know? But I will work on focusing on my own walk instead of trying to change his. We're in this for the long haul.. might as well make it a vacation instead of wandering around in the desert for 40 years.

A Better Mommy.

My daughter overnight has turned 13. Yes, crazy I know! I mean all of you mom's know what this is like. One minute they are cute gurgling little babies and then you blink and BAM you have a teenager. I regret so much when it comes to being her Mommy, most of all not enough time spent with her doing the things that are supposed to shape her into the miniature version of me (Lord help her). I want to make that extra time this year for those Mommy daughter dates that are vital.

Of course there is so much more that needs changing but just wanted to highlight the major categories. So with that said here goes nothing!

Happy New Year 2012!

I don't Believe in New Year's Resolutions But....

A sentence to summarize what I learned this year (actually, my New Year's resolution):  I want to be the person who says "I am" rather than the person who says "I'm going to."  THE END

Brilliance at it's best explains me at my worst

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

By: Rudyard Kipling

I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT WOMAN