Sometimes I feel like my life is like this big set of stage curtains. It started out as this flaming red, beautiful and perfect thing. But as is the way of it, life has put all these rips, tears, frays and holes in that beautiful fabric. Some holes I’ve been able to patch up. Some patches are prettier and more well executed than others, and some are barely adhering with fabric glue. Some rips and tears haven’t been patched at all. Some probably never will be. For the most part, I’ve come to view all those seams and patches that make up the crazy quilt of my life as something that makes me more interesting and full of character. But that usually only comes after a bit of reflection on my part.
It’s been quiet around here.
When someone like me shuts the curtains and goes quiet, you are generally safe in assuming that it’s not anything awesome that is quelling my non-stop desire to chatter.
My life seems to follow a trend where things tend to happen all at once and often to big, dizzying degrees; both the good things and the bad things. I don’t want you to think that my life only has black rain clouds filling it…it doesn’t. I have had some huge, grand, beautiful and fabulous things happen to me; things I am so grateful and happy for.
But…
It’s been a bit rainy around here as of late and quite honestly, I haven’t wanted to talk about it because one, I didn’t want to sit here and just whine at you all. And two, I’m not even sure how I feel about a lot of it. And three, many things beyond my control are in a purgatory state of waiting to see how they resolve. (Which pretty much sucks six ways from Sunday. Especially when the outlook is grim and there is nothing you can do about it.)
I had a lot of things hit me at once.
But it’s also time to pick myself up, brush myself off and start peeking my head out of the curtain, darnit!
I'm sick of feeling awful.
And I DO feel like I’m starting to get on the upswing of things. It’s been good to have time alone to think about things. To mourn the loss of some things and people and to ponder the future of others.
I’m not sure what is ahead of me.
Some of these changes are really big and deep and I admit…I still feel a little lost. I have a hard time with big changes. But I also think that there will be something to fill all these tears and holes and spaces that have ripped through the fabric of my life lately.
And I just have to have faith it will be something awesome.
-Curtains
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Something New
I have vowed to make the year 2012 all about CHANGE. Let me color this for you.
A Renewed Mind.
I have all these past issues haunting me from (insert year here).. yeah-- there's alot. I am learning to let go and Let God. Yes, very cliche but it's so true when you break it down and examine that phrase. It's time to let it all go!
A Healthier Body.
Let's face it, who doesn't want this? Okay Angelina Jolie maybe cause.. WELL look at her.. but I'm serious! I want to be healthy. I'm a 33 year old woman who wakes up each morning feeling like she's eleventy hundred years old. I ache in places that I didn't know could ache. (MUST EAT VEGGIES). I need to drop a tremendous amount of weight and this is the year it's going to happen... stay tuned for before and after pics.
A Beautiful Marriage.
Now to find the perfect husband.......JOKING hunny... totally kidding. My husband is wonderful but I'm a moody, discontented, irrational, has to have my way kinda gal sometimes.(wink wink). This alone will be the hardest to change. It's kind of built in ya know? But I will work on focusing on my own walk instead of trying to change his. We're in this for the long haul.. might as well make it a vacation instead of wandering around in the desert for 40 years.
A Better Mommy.
My daughter overnight has turned 13. Yes, crazy I know! I mean all of you mom's know what this is like. One minute they are cute gurgling little babies and then you blink and BAM you have a teenager. I regret so much when it comes to being her Mommy, most of all not enough time spent with her doing the things that are supposed to shape her into the miniature version of me (Lord help her). I want to make that extra time this year for those Mommy daughter dates that are vital.
Of course there is so much more that needs changing but just wanted to highlight the major categories. So with that said here goes nothing!
Happy New Year 2012!
A Renewed Mind.
I have all these past issues haunting me from (insert year here).. yeah-- there's alot. I am learning to let go and Let God. Yes, very cliche but it's so true when you break it down and examine that phrase. It's time to let it all go!
A Healthier Body.
Let's face it, who doesn't want this? Okay Angelina Jolie maybe cause.. WELL look at her.. but I'm serious! I want to be healthy. I'm a 33 year old woman who wakes up each morning feeling like she's eleventy hundred years old. I ache in places that I didn't know could ache. (MUST EAT VEGGIES). I need to drop a tremendous amount of weight and this is the year it's going to happen... stay tuned for before and after pics.
A Beautiful Marriage.
Now to find the perfect husband.......JOKING hunny... totally kidding. My husband is wonderful but I'm a moody, discontented, irrational, has to have my way kinda gal sometimes.(wink wink). This alone will be the hardest to change. It's kind of built in ya know? But I will work on focusing on my own walk instead of trying to change his. We're in this for the long haul.. might as well make it a vacation instead of wandering around in the desert for 40 years.
A Better Mommy.
My daughter overnight has turned 13. Yes, crazy I know! I mean all of you mom's know what this is like. One minute they are cute gurgling little babies and then you blink and BAM you have a teenager. I regret so much when it comes to being her Mommy, most of all not enough time spent with her doing the things that are supposed to shape her into the miniature version of me (Lord help her). I want to make that extra time this year for those Mommy daughter dates that are vital.
Of course there is so much more that needs changing but just wanted to highlight the major categories. So with that said here goes nothing!
Happy New Year 2012!
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